Love Is Beautiful And Painful At The Same Time

Cause I never think that the last time is the last time. I think there will be more. I think I have forever, but I don't.

You called me in the middle of the night after a few months of not hearing from you. I saw your number flash into my phone screen and my heart immediately pumped faster than it should. 

I pick up my phone and uttered a very meaningful hello. You were on the other line, in the middle of what seems to be a dream, and it was perfect. You spoke of my name as if it was a familiar melody I haven’t heard of for quite a while.

The good old memories came flashing instantly in my mind. I remember how we used to talk for hours about the things that excite us. How much we enjoy each other’s company and how you made me feel important and cared for every single time. You were my constant go-to- person, the one whom I can comfortably talk to and open up to without any hesitations.

You were there, constantly. At one point, I thought we were on the same page.

You sent me signals that swept me off my feet and melted my heart away. Though we were two different individuals from two different sides of the world, we had this understanding. We had something special, or maybe I believed so. I TRUST-ED YOU.

But as the days went by, our conversations got a little less often. Maybe we got caught up in the reality of our everyday work and life that catching up was not as easy to sneak in into a very tight schedule, unlike before. 

I didn’t understand what I was feeling and never have I, in my wildest dreams imagined that I can feel that kind of love. That love that is so selfless and painfully beautiful at the same time. The one that lets you feel genuine happiness amidst knowing that the one you love, loves somebody else.

This love may have painfully crushed me, but it still left with me a lot of beautiful memories. This may have brought me tears but it made you smile. This may have broken me, but it made you whole.

And knowing that I was capable of loving like this made me feel a little less broken every passing day.  I know one day, I will be able to pick up the pieces and be okay again. One day, in another time, with another person, I will be able to wholeheartedly love again.

So, for now, as much as I would still like to share my days to you, my fears, my hopes, my plans, my all; I’m gonna put my phone down. And though things maybe different now, I’d still wish you the very best in your life. This is me saying goodbye to what we could have been. And though our roads maybe heading in seemingly far and different directions, please know that I’ll never forget you.

love is hurt. and hopefully i can move on inshaAllah.

Read This When You Get Tired Of Living Your Life

Have you ever had days when you felt like no matter how hard you tried, no matter how hard you pushed yourself, it just wasn’t working? When the desire to sit still or lie in bed all day was so strong that no amount of coffee could get you moving?

My desire to not do anything was so strong it made me hate myself.

Sometimes I would stare at the wall of my room and just sit in my bed. Some days, I would find myself crying alone. 

I was ruined by disappointment due to some painful experiences. One day I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to talk it all out:

“Hey! You! Yes! You! You’re such a disappointment. You’re worthless. Look at yourself. How can you even lift yourself up? You are a mess.”

I cried. I just cried for a couple of hours. Isolated myself from people for days. No more morning routine. No more afternoon jogs. Nothing.

But when I woke up one morning, I decided to get out. The sunrise was so beautiful. It felt like the sun was a symbol of new begging. Hope. Positivity. Joy. And most importantly, self-love.

This is what I realized.

“You have a choice. You need to realize that you have a choice in everything. You have a choice to whether allow yourself to feed into the sad and depressing situation you are in or to close your eyes and try to go back to sleep whenever you’d wake up at 3am.

You have a choice to either get up and do your daily routine or just stay in bed the entire day and be consumed by disappointment and heartbreak.

You have a choice to still continue to be a hot mess or to love yourself regardless.”

So, whatever you’re feeling right now, I encourage you to please choose the latter. Choose to be optimistic and positive about the things that’s happening to you.

Remember that pain is temporary.

You might be hurting right now, you might even think of giving up on life. Trust me, I’ve been there, done that. Its not going to help. To allow yourself to be consumed by sadness is tiring.

So one day, when you realize you’re too tired of all the pain and sadness, please choose to do something that can make you feel better. Eat ice cream, cry, scream, run, paint — do whatever but never try to kill yourself.

You will be okay. You will be fine. Believe in yourself.

Believe that you can get through this bullshit and one day you’ll wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and you’ll be proud that your better, stronger and happier than you were a few weeks ago, a few months ago because won the fight.

But more than anything, please always remember that self-love is so important. It can move mountains and build beautiful things.

Love yourself always. Please.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Why do people judge others without even knowing them?

It's human nature- really it's in the nature of all social animals- to be judgmental, and, more to the point, to be able to judge others quickly.

In my humble opinion people think that they know everything. Basically they don't want to listen to your point of views. They already tend to have a notion about what should be the possibility seeing your conditions. There are many possibilities in life but eventually they are overlooked.

People try to put you in a box telling your boundaries and limitations. It takes hardly a minute to form an image of you in their minds which won’t change until something dramatic happens. So unfortunately they see your credentials, not your hidden talent. 

People always tend to see themselves as being better or placed higher on the pyramid than others. The only way to escape from the constant onslaught of negativity is to either escape the toxic environment or start looking at the judgemental people consciously, although the latter advice is more difficult to manage just because they manducate your precious energy away, hence it is wiser to just completely abstain from even engaging with people. Your time is precious, spend it with people that are of the right attitude and hold to higher moral principles. Be open to the light rather than the dark. Good luck!

“Don't judge a book by its cover” 
― George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

“Never judge someone's character based on the words of another. Instead, study the motives behind the words of the person casting the bad judgment.” 
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Kerana Jodoh Rahsia Allah

Ku coba mengerti siapa diriku
Di dalam hidupmu
Apa maunya lagi
Jika kau tak mampu
Mengingin cintaku

Biar berat ku menghadapi
Tidakkan ku ulangi meminta hatimu
Tak pernah ku sesali
Hadirmu di hatiku
Walau hariku aku jalani tanpa dirimu

Kita Hanya Mampu Merancang, Allah Yang Menentukan

"Kita sering merancang suatu hari nanti kita akan hidup bahagia dengan si dia, insan tersayang, kadangkala ada pasangan tu bercinta bertahun tahun, dan terus berharap impian untuk mendirikan masjid dengan si dia yang kita sangkakan tulang rusuk kita. Tapi berapa ramai yang dapat memenuhi impian itu? Kita ini manusia, dan sesungguhnya kita hanya mampu merancang, tapi sebaik baik perancangan adalah daripada Allah juga

Jodoh itu Allah tentukan, dan kita tidak mampu untuk mengetahui dan meramalkan apa yang akan berlaku di masa hadapan. Bukankah Allah itu Maha Mengetahui? Kadang-kadang kita menyangka, kita dengan si dia dekat dan amat rapat dalam hubungan. Dan selalu kita sangka dia lah segalanya dan yakin dialah jodoh kita sehingga kita lupa pada suratan dan takdir yang telah Dia tentukan. Itulah rahsia yang kita tidak akan tahu dalam kehidupan kita.

Dan siapa sangka orang yang kita benci menjadi jodoh kita, dan siapa sangka orang yang kita tak pernah kenal itu jodoh kita, dan siapa sangka orang yang kita anggap sebagai teman biasa itu jodoh kita, dan siapa sangka orang yang tidak cantik itu jodoh kita. Wah, indahkan hidup ini. Setiap yang hidup di dunia ini, Allah dah tentukan dan tunjukkan, cuma kita je yang perlu membuat pilihan yang tepat. Belajarlah untuk mensyukuri apa yang ada, apa yang menjadi milik kita, sebab wanita dan lelaki tu semua, tapi kita boleh mencorakkan mereka.

Jodoh itu rahsia Allah. Sekuat mana kita setia, selama mana kita menunggu, sehebat mana kita merancang, sekeras mana kita bersabar, sejujur mana kita berbagi kasih, ia tetap rahsia Allah.

Jodoh, ajal, rezeki, itu semua rahsia Dia. Sehebat manapun kita dalam mencorak kehidupan kita, takkan mampu kita selaraskan dengan perancangan Dia.

“Tidakkah engkau tahu bahawa Allah mengetahui apa yang di langit dan di bumi. Sungguh, yang demikian itu sudah terdapat dalam sebuah kitab (Lauh Mahfuz). Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu sangat mudah bagi Allah”. (QS. Al-Hajj 22. Ayat 70)

Sentiasalah bersangka baik dengan Allah.

Sedangkan kita juga belum tahu, antara kafan dan gaun pengantin, mana yang kita akan sarung dahulu; antara jodoh dan maut, yang mana akan melamar dahulu.

Memories me and you

Memories, even bittersweet ones, are better than nothing. Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.

That's the thing about memories, you can't forget them.

Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.

– Grey’s Anatomy

Kerana dia

Telah ku cuba untuk bertahan

dari kisah cinta menyakit kan

luka yang kau beri begitu dalam

sungguh sakit kurasakan

Sudah ku paksa untuk mengerti

walau hatika ku ini terluka

bukan salah ku tak mencintai

Kerana sikap mu memaksa aku pergi

Adakah kerana  dia yang lebih sempurna

hingga engkau pergi bersama dirinya

kini ku sendiri meratapi

hati yang terluka

maaf kan lah aku yang tak bisa

membuat mu bahagia dalam cinta

andai hatiku dapat berbicara

tak kan pernah sanggup engkau mendengar nya

tangisan hatiku meraung di jiwa

sedih hatiku kini yang ku rasa

adakah kerana dia yang lebih sempurna

hingga engkau pergi bersama dirinya

kini ku sendiri meratapi

hati yang terluka

Bukan yang terbaik

"Hidup tak selalunya indah tapi yang indah itu tetap hidup dalam kenangan"

Lepaskan dia terbang bebas mencari kehidupan dan kebahagiaan dia sendiri walaupun bukan bersama kita.

Biarkan mereka pergi bukan bermakna tak ada lagi cinta ataupun sayang.

Menyayangi tidak semestinya memiliki.


Kalau betul kita sayangkan seseorang, lepaskan dia pergi untuk cari kebahagiaan walaupun hanya kesakitan yang mampu kita tanggung

Kenapa masih tak berhenti fikirkan dia?

Hanya kerana satu sebab.

— Hanya kerana kita masih belum ikhlas, belum redha.

“Redha bukan bermakna tiada tangisan tetapi adalah penerimaan tanpa persoalan terhadap apa yang telah ditentukan oleh Allah.”

“Apabila kita redha atas sesuatu yang mengecewakan hati kita, maka percayalah Allah akan menggatikan kekecewaan itu dengan sesuatu yang tak dijangka.”

Kenapa takut untuk redha menerima segalanya yang berlaku. Ingat pada janji Allah. Janji Allah itu pasti (:

Memang susah untuk lepaskan seseorang itu pergi. Apatah lagi sudah bersama untuk sekian lama. 

Seseorang yang pernah berjanji tak akan pergi walaupun apa sekalipun yang berlaku.

Seseorang yang selalu jadi peneman untuk setiap perkara yang kita lakukan.

Seseorang yang selalu dengar cerita bodoh kita saat semua orang tak pedulikan kita.

Memang susah. Susah untuk lupakan segalanya.

Lagi susah bila kita mula memikirkan kita akan bersendiri. Bersendiri dalam semua perkara yang selama ini kita lakukan bersama dia. Terluka.

Mana mungkin untuk melupakan segalanya dalam satu hari.

Tapi sampai bila?

Sampai bila kita nak terus hidup bersama kenangan yang sudah berlalu.

Sampai bila nak berharap dia akan kembali macam dulu.

Sampai bila nak terus menoleh ke belakang? Mencari jejak yang telah hilang.

"Allah beri apa yang kita perlu, bukan apa yang kita mahu. Maka, ikhlaskan hati untuk menerima. Allah tak izinkan, bermakna Allah tak redhakan. Sesungguhnya Allah tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita.”

Jangan risau, jangan takut untuk melepaskan kerana Allah janjikan yang terbaik untuk hambanya.

Yakin dengan jodoh yang telah Allah tetapkan.

“Jodoh ditentukan oleh Allah sewaktu kita berumur 4 bulan di dalam kandungan ibu. (Malaikat akan tulis nama kita, rezeki, kerja, kahwin dengan siapa, cerai atau tidak, anak berapa dan semuanya tentang diri) – Ustaz Azhar Idrus”

Sampai masa dan ketika kita akan bertemu dengan jodoh.

Hanya perlu yakin.

inginku luahkan semuanya

namun tak pernah diberi masa

inginku cuba berterus terang

namun tak pernah diberi peluang

sayunya hati

pedih jiwa ini

kau berlalu pergi

tanpa simpati

lepaskan aku jika benar engkau tidak mahu

sakitnya hatiku tiada siapa yang tahu

tinggalkan ku jika engkau ada yang baru

maafkan diriku ku bukan yang terbaik untuk mu

“Jika sesuatu itu milik kita. Sesulit apapun jalannya. Apapun rintangannya. Pasti akan jadi milik kita kerana memang untuk kita.

Tapi, jika sesuatu itu bukan milik kita. Walaupun mudah jalannya. Walaupun bersusah payah kita ingin mendapatkannya. Tidak akan pernah jadi milik kita.

Kerana memang bukan untuk kita.”

Serahkan hati ini pada Allah.

InsyaAllah segalanya akan baik-baik sahaja.

Hati kita milik Allah.

Resepi Rendang Ayam Cili Padi #cikjambumasakmasak

Rendang Ayam Cili Padi

Bahan-Bahan:

• 1 ekor ayam
• 15 batang cili padi hijau
• 10 batang cili padi merah
• 1 kotak santan pekat
• 1/2 mangkuk kecil ais asam jawa
• 3 sudu besar kerisik
• 2 helai daun kunyit
• 2 helai daun limau purut
• 2 batang serai
• ½ sudu jintan putih, ½ jintan manis
• garam dan gula secukup rasa
• 1 mangkuk besar minyak, untuk menumis

• Bahan-bahan untuk rempah tumis:
• 2 batang kayu manis
• 3 kuntum bunga lawang
• 5 biji buah pelaga
• 2 batang serai (ketuk)

• Bahan-bahan untuk kisar halus:
• 1 biji bawang besar
• 8 biji bawang merah
• 5 ulas bawang putih
• 2 inci halia
• 3 ketul kunyit hidup
• 2 inci lengkuas 
• 15 batang cili padi hijau
• 10 batang cili padi merah
• ½ sudu jintan putih, ½ jintan manis

Cara Penyediaan:

1. Cara-cara untuk rendang:
1. Bersihkan ayam dan toskan.
2. Panaskan minyak dan tumis bahan rempah tumis dan bahan kisar halus. Kacau perlahan dan masak sehingga pecah minyak dan garing. Warna bahan tumisan akan bertukar menjadi sedikit gelap.
3. Masukkan pula ayam dan biarkan masak selama 5-10 minit. Air ayam akan keluar sedikit semasa proses ini.
4. Masukkan santan pekat dan air asam jawa. Kacau perlahan-lahan di atas api sederhana sehingga kuah menjadi pekat.
5. Masukkan kerisik, daun kunyit dan daun limau purut. Perasakan dengan garam dan gula secukup rasa.

#cikjambumasakmasak

Pain - Frozen Shoulder

2019. Early part of 2019. Too many painful things I've been through. Emotionally and physically. Every day I pray to Allah to give me patience and stay strong to all these pain alone. Luckily I have my family besides me. 

Today I went to the clinic because unbearable pain of my left shoulder. It has been months actually since last year but it getting worst last night. I cant sleep and the pain radiated to my chest.

But still I managed to sleep and woke up early in the morning with terrible headache. Went to the Gynaecology ward managed to clerked one case. And i feel difficulty to breath with the chest pain. So I stopped my work and walked to the clinic.

Met the MO in charged. Told her everything regarding the pain so she told me 'You've frozen shoulder' and my response was 'I see, I just need the strongest painkiller'. As I'd resistance to Panadol, meaning kalau I makan panadol pun tak jalan. The pain still there.

Right now I can't talk too much even i nak type banyak banyak pun sakit even involved one sided only. Please pray for my speedy recovery. Till then with love - Pija 💗

Bila Cinta

Bila cinta kini tak lagi bermakna

Yang ku rasa kini

Hanyalah nestapa

Ditinggalkan cinta masa lalu

Dulu kau tawarkan

Manisnya janjimu

Dan ku sambut itu dengan segenap hatiku

Hingga engkau pergi tinggalkanku

Hilangnya cintamu

Menusuk hatiku

Hingga ku memilih

Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu merobek jantungku

Hingga ku terjatuh dalam harapan

Ku sebut namamu di setiap doaku

Bangkitkan setia

Kenangan tentangmu

Yang ku dapat hanyalah bayangmu

slowly but surely. 

What to Do When You Miss Someone

If you are missing someone so badly it makes you crazy, but you can't do anything because that someone is not in your life anymore, what do you do?

When someone leaves your life, whether they end your relationship, move away or they are no longer living, it can be difficult to deal with. That is you may wonder what to do when you miss someone to help stop the pain and misery, and still allow the person to get on with their life. The truth of the matter is that you must let that person go, and then spend time focusing on yourself in order to truly get back to your life. The time that you spend on yourself and the growth from this experience is going to help you to enjoy life and be a much happier person.

1. Avoid hibernating in your home

The worst way in how to deal with missing someone is to cut yourself off from outside activities. Chances are, while sitting at home, you are going to miss the person even more. That is why it is important to get out.

2. Stay connected with friends

When wondering what to do when you miss someone, always remember that spending time with your friends is a great way to escape from the memory of someone else. Your friends are going to be there for you and this is one of the best methods for coping with missing someone. These friends are going to help get your mind off of what happened, and eventually allow you to find your true self again.

3. Let the music say it for you

Many people who have missed someone in the past find that listening to music is a great way to deal with all those feelings. Take the time to listen to songs that speak about missing someone, or just songs that remind you of the person that is no longer in your life for whatever reason. However, remember not to do this constantly.

4. Thank the person you are missing

Though you may initially be angry at the person who left you, you do need to look at what all that person has taught you or how they helped your life. This is where writing a thank you note can be helpful. Tell the person you miss just how much they meant to you, thank them for the good times that you two had, or if the person taught you something that has changed your life, let them know. This thank you letter is a way to close the relationship, and you are going to feel better for doing it this way. It is the ultimate end to what to do when you miss someone, as it provides closure.

Move on.

Simple.

Don't make it complicated.

It may look hard but mankind has managed to bear greater pain than this and you my dear will not only survive this “craziness” but come out from the other side of this suffering as a more efficient person. I promise.

Just DON'T give up. If you can give up so easily on yourself how can you expect from someone else not to give up on you!

And remember, they said that TIME heals. Life here on earth is a journey. You will always meet all kinds of people. And who knows, as you open yourself to the masses, somebody special would come along?

What do you do, when you miss someone?

Happy Birthday KNS!

I may not be by your side celebrating your special day with you, but I want you to know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful birthday.


This birthday, I wish you abundant happiness and love. Soon you will start a new year of your life. Congratulations for your big day!

I hope you find what you want in life and that you live a happy life because I love to see you happy,even if it’s not with me. Thank you for once being a part of my life. I’m glad I know you.

May all your dreams turn into reality. Happy birthday to one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known KNS :)

Ways to Stay Strong When Everything Goes Wrong

Life is not a bed of roses. There are always ups and downs; challenges and rewards

Staying strong in the midst of hardship requires you to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

1.  Fully accept the reality of what is.

You cannot find peace by avoiding life.  Life spins with unexpected changes every hour; so instead of avoiding it, take every change and experience as a challenge for growth.  Either it will give you what you want or it will teach you what the next step is.

Finding peace and happiness in life does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no challenges, and no hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things while remaining calm in your heart.  It’s about letting go of the pictures in your head about how things were “supposed to be.”

Letting go of needless expectations is your first step to happiness.

2.  Remind yourself that everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will go on forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts.

So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it. 

3.  Push yourself to take another step, and another, no matter what.

The most beautiful smiles are usually the ones that struggled through the tears. Because breakdowns often lead to breakthroughs in the end.  

Every mistake, heartbreak and loss contains its own solution, its own subtle lesson on how to improve your performance and outcome next time.  Thus, the most reliable way to predict the future is to create it yourself. 

The truth is we all lose sometimes.  The greater truth is that no single loss ever defines us.  Learn from your trials.  Grow wiser.  

In the end, good things don’t come to those who wait; good things come to those who are patient… while working hard, through good times and bad, for what they want most in life.  It’s about courage.  It’s about being scared to death and then taking the next step anyway.

4.  Use positivity, rather than letting negativity use you.

There may not be an obvious reason to be positive today, but you don’t need a reason.  Being positive is a strategy, not a response.  The most powerful time to be positive is precisely when everything around you is not so positive.

Happiness in the long run is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Raise your awareness to your own inner strength and positivity.  You are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life.  You can either give negativity power over your life, or you can choose to be positive instead by focusing on the great things that are truly important.  So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems today.

5.  Look for something small to appreciate.

You may not have what you want, and you may be very hurt, but you still have more than enough to appreciate right now.  Epicurus once said, “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”  Meditate on this quote when life seems unfair.

Remember that being positive in a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of leadership and strength.  You’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  So don’t pray for the big miracles and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, simple, and yet not-so-small gifts in your life.  It may seem strange to feel thankful for those events in your life that appear to be ordinary, yet it’s precisely by being thankful that you can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Think about it: What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?

Think of all the beauty that still remains around you, notice it and smile.

At the end of the day, it’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.  Showing appreciation for the good things you have is the most powerful happiness boosting activity there is.

I can tell you from my own life experience that life is a wild ride.  I’ve found happiness, lost it, found it, lost it and then I found it once again.

But each time what I found was more incredible than the last.

So remember that everyone suffers in life at some point.  Everyone feels lost sometimes.  The key is using your experiences to grow, inch by inch.  When you apply what you’re learning to your future choices and actions, you move forward not backward.  You become stronger and wiser.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it in the end.